Blood Singer's Tragic
by NortonFight
Summary: What happens when a vampire changes his tua cantante? Blood singing is nature's warning of an evolution the world is not ready for. Can love really conquer all?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fanfic :) I believe in happy endings, after all, if you can't have a happy ending in the world of make-belief, what hope do we have for the real world?**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I do not.**

**Songs That Inspire: My Sundown - Jimmy Eat World, Love You Til' The End - The Pogues, Bullet With Butterfly Wings - The Smashing Pumpkins, Save Me - Aimee Mann, How It Ends - Devotchka**

**WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT IN LATER CHAPTERS**

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**PROLOGUE**

**EPOV**

I hadn't seen her in 14 long months, for that matter, neither had Alice -the only member of our family who still hoped to one day see the old Bella. To hold her and kiss her cheek and tell her how much she had missed her. My heart ached as I reluctantly observed Alice's pained and wishful musings. I knew better, I had killed the old Bella and replaced her with a furious creature, she was not a newborn, but an animalistic powerhouse of rage wrapped up in a beautiful young woman who still looked like she was made of delicately fragile glass. I had given her body over to a sadistic demon. Wherever Bella was, I hoped she was not in there, trapped behind the layers of incomprehensible fury and bloodlust.

"_Edward, I'm ready." _

_We had arrived home from our honeymoon only a week before and already my wife was eager to join me in the shadows of eternity. Suddenly I was nervous; my family was outside my bedroom, waiting for us to say goodbye until Bella awoke to our world. Please, please if there is a God, don't let me kill her._

No, what I had done was worse than death. She would never reach heaven now; she was doomed to forever walk the earth, the pure beauty that was her soul cowering to the primal force of her instincts. I had taken destruction for granted, comforted and secure in the fact that if ever I should wish to forfeit "immortality", the flames of oblivion would take me to peace. We believed ourselves immortal, but we can be destroyed. We are lucky. But not Isabella, she was something else altogether as the Volturi had discovered. I shuddered at the memory…

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All around was chaos, in the throes of agony I forced my eyes open and saw her, my Bella, standing defiant in the middle of our meadow, her face twisted in rage, her eyes coal black, the royalty of our kind littered at her feet. We were all doubled over in a painful hell only Bella could deliver. We were all burning inside. Jane was writhing a few yards from us. She was experiencing for the first time what was not merely just a taste of her own medicine, but a version that was distilled, concentrated and amplified. Nearby I heard Renata begging for death.

Any moment now the pain would take over and it would be all that I would know – would she kill us? Were these my last moments with her? I fixed my eyes on her face and thought the words, knowing she would hear since I could not.

_Bella, I love you._

Suddenly it stopped and Bella collapsed.

I had never seen a vampire fall unconscious before. My hearing returned to me and froze me to my place. I could hear her thoughts.

_I can do this. _

She was not unconscious, but she was not here either. Another voice screamed from her mind. It sounded like Bella and at the same time it was utterly unrecognizable, the voice was frenzied, shrill and violent.

_**WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET UP! DESTROY THEM BEFORE THEY KILL YOU, YOU FOOL!** _

_Stay still. Let it end, please, let them tear me piece by piece and throw me into whatever is next. If it is nothing, if it is hell, it cannot be worse than this. Let Edward and I be released. Oh, I am so sorry for everything, I wish they could know, I wish he could know how dearly I still love him. I wish I could stop…Let it end._

We were standing around her now, a quiet circle starring down at a dormant apocalypse.

JPOV

There was a desperate conflict raging within the body at our feet. Somehow I knew that my newest sister was giving us our chance.

Never, ever in all of my existence and all my experience with newborns had I even heard rumours of one like her. My heart broke for Edward. For Alice and Esme and Carlisle. For our family. For Bella.

It was clear now they were never meant to be, Bella was never meant for our world.

_Edward. She must be destroyed, even she knows that._

I couldn't bring myself to look at him as he sank to his knees a foot from his new bride. I could not even fathom how it would be were this my Alice. I did not wait for his reply but sprang upon her motionless form and dragged her away from those we both loved. They should not watch this.

"Demetri. Felix." Aro had regained himself. His two prized guards joined me around Bella. They were both still visibly shaken. I felt it all.

**AlicePOV**

_No, no, no, no…_

**BPOV**

I could feel their meagre attempts to pull at my limbs. They stood back a moment, baffled, as was I. One of the Volturi guard bent down and tried desperately to tear at me with his teeth. It was a strange sensation, like a light tugging.

A distance away I could hear Esme and Alice quietly and tearlessly sobbing.

In my mind I thanked Jasper for his discretion and I knew how this was hurting him. These thoughts were foreign, too rational and calm as of late, fit for the end. Everything felt surreal.

I hear the click of a lighter and then a tickling sensation on my arm. Nothing happens.

I couldn't even think about Edward. I don't deserve to.

But death was not coming. The demon within me knew it and gleefully rejoiced before I was ready to acknowledge it. There was no hope, I was stuck like this and I was going to kill everyone I have ever loved and then I was going to live thousands of years with nothing but my guilt to keep me company. I would let the demon take over, I would submit to my unnatural instincts and I would kill everyone and anyone that I could. Oh Holy God, was this what I was intended for? Am I a tool of extinction? What will become of me after when I have consumed all of the blood of the earth? My first vision of myself when I awoke clouded my head.

It was me, but I was seen from a great distance, a moving dot over a wide expense of dark nothingness.

How eerie it had been to awaken as a vampire and see what I saw. How tragic still that as I saw this Alice did not and she could not warn the others. I suspected that as long as I could see, she could not.

I knew now that the vision was earth. I was wandering aimlessly across the polluted waste that was once home to countless living things. I knew now that even the herbs were not safe from the consequence of my being; the humans would have unleashed their nuclear bombs, frantic to destroy the unknown terror that stalked them, uncaring about the casualties, their weak attempt to survive damning them all.

Would I eventually die of thirst? Would –

"You can't kill her." My dead heart seemed to shatter and the pieces soar at hearing my lover's voice, in my mind I could see it suspended within my chest, a supernova in a black night. His voice was cold and flat, underneath it was pain and sorrow and longing and a number of other emotions I could not define. I resisted the urge to use Jasper's power on Edward, if only to know how he felt. I was afraid it would be an opportunity of escape for my demon. Power corrupts…

**CaPOV**

_Oh Edward...we can't keep her. _

"No Carlisle, you can't kill her. I can hear it, I can hear her voice and she _knows _that she cannot be destroyed." His voice seemed to break on the last word, he was beside her in a flash, holding her hand to his heart, a tremor went through her but still she did not move.

Was she controlling her powers? Was there any hope at all?

**EPOV**

_Edward?! You can hear me?_

I clutched her hand tighter and told her I could. The monster within her was thrashing wildly now, angry to be so exposed and vulnerable, but I would not let go.

_Edward, Edward! I love you; help us both how I love you!_

A sob racked through my body, her despair was my own, "Bella, I love you too, forever and beyond. I am so sorry Bella…" My throat choked on the words. I had seen it in her mind, her thoughts anguished and desperately lonely as she thought of her future. I have no words to describe my corroding remorse. Unexpectedly her thoughts shifted.

"Aro? Why?"

_If you can hear me, maybe Aro can hear me. He will know every thought it…I…have had. He may be able to help me appease the…darkness. _

Aro was already beside me, he did not need to know why. He was eager to test his power on an accessible Bella. He was as terrified as the rest of us, but ever the collector, he was greedy and fascinated as well.

Jane's thoughts caught my attention. Her anger and embarrassment demanded that she too take advantage of Bella's vulnerability, but she was also scared of reawakening the beast. I growled at her.

_Edward, please, please don't listen to what Aro hears._

My eagerness to please her in any way possible trumped my curiosity.

If only I had known what she had planned.

Aro eagerly touched his hand to hers. I held fast to her other hand, my focus jumped around from mind to mind, seeking thoughts that would be mild enough to endure. Esme and Alice were distraught, Carlisle was confused, his shock mingled with pain and pity for us, finally I settled on Emmett whose thoughts were a jumbled mess –

_How could she be stronger than me? – Come back Bella… - How did this happen? HOW? – Emse, please don't cry. - …_

He knew the answers to his questions. As a newborn she had been more volatile than any newborn had ever been. Her power became known quickly, she could hear our every thought, feel everything we felt – the fear and confusion often set her off, she was stronger than Emmett, nearly destroying our house altogether during her fits, she was faster than me, she was better prepared than Alice, on and on it went. She could take our power if she wished. For two weeks until the Denali clan came, in hopes of aiding us in our efforts to control Bella, she had been…everything she never was. Not only the hate and violence, but almost ruthlessly manipulative and self-centered, she was not someone I could understand anymore and I suspected, deep in the pit of my being, that the Bella we had known was fading. Again I wronged her with my hopeless thoughts, she could hear me giving up on her at the same time that the Denali clan burst into our home, alarmed by the degree of destruction to the house. Kate's power of electricity was her first great tool of horror and I, her target.

Try though she did, Kate could never project the shocks from her body, Bella did that and more, again and again I was shocked, the burning felt like the transformation. She could take everything we had and throw it back at us times 100 stronger and we could do nothing to control her. Her shield was stronger than ever, neither physical nor mental attacks could touch her, it was a second skin of invincibility and here it was again at work, though Bella willed it away with all her might, she could not be destroyed.

Suddenly I wanted to run from her like she had run from me after jolting my body with all the power of Zeus himself, I was ashamed as she had been at how I destroyed her. After she disappeared, it was only a week later that the Volturi arrived; a week was all it took to notify the Volturi of her devastation, though they did not believe the extent of her power. They had been ready to destroy me as punishment for letting her flee when Alice had a vision alerting us to this meadow where Bella awaited. Together with my family, the Denalis and all of the Volturi we had come for her and she beckoned to us, calming and enchanting us until we had all assembled. I was too overwhelmed with seeing her to notice I couldn't hear. Caius had been the first to fall.

Aro's normally cheery disposition was completely gone as he hovered over her.

Finally he opened his eyes, a bizarre mixture of sympathy and avarice adorned his papery white features.

"No my dear, I am afraid you are correct, we cannot end you…but I understand now what must be done. Alec!"

"Yes Master?"

**AroPOV**

Everything about her was unknown, new. How I wanted her, how I feared her, how I feared the fact that as I took in her every thought and memory, she took in my own. Somehow we understood each other; I understood the two entities that battled within her beautiful and sinister mind. I also immediately understood that the evil within her considered me nothing more than a means to attain what it wanted - blood and power, an established empire fit for a Queen.

A part of me wished the weaker, gentler part of this creature, the only one who seemed to be able to confront the demon, would take control - for although she would then not be mine, she would not be a danger to my way of life. I knew we must submit to her and how strange and foreign a feeling that was.

"Alec, you must use your skills on Bella, she will help you in your effort to restrain her. She is coming with us to Volterra." Everyone in the clearing gasped except the two females who sobbed harder.

Edward glared across at me, "I'm coming with you."

I knew her conditions and in my mind I conveyed to him what must happen. The part of her that was pure and sweet would not allow him to come with her, to endure her any longer. The violent swirling red part of her demanded that he come, even the dark within her longed for him.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I do not.**

**Songs That Inspire: Sic Transit Gloria – Brand New, Where is My Mind – The Pixies, Blurry – Puddle of Mudd, Pretty When You Cry – Vast, The World Spins Madly On – The Weepies**

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**20 Years Later…**

**AroPOV**

Her mind had always been horrifyingly beautiful. The first time I heard it had been in the clearing those 20 years ago. I could not understand why she had transformed so, every thought she had had during her human years was painfully thoughtful and pure. In the clearing, it had been 2 to 1 the thoughts of evil and damnation. The tenor of the thoughts had been bitterness and anger, images of agonizing death and torture, the swell of power through her veins when she possessed a new skill, lust for blood and the need for those around her to submit to her will. The part of Bella that was still her was white light in a sea of drowning dark red, but the light of her mind had been overpowered by the dark since her body and her instincts had qualities compatible only to the monster.

After 20 long, gruelling years of careful training and restraint, she allowed me access once again to her mind as she had twice before. Ten years ago it had been lighter. It was not purity and compassion that had overpowered the dark, but a cultivated reasoning. In fact, it seemed as though the light and dark had merged, all thoughts tainted by both. Her every thought, every execution, was an art form, a delicate balance of ruthless violence and stunning beauty. It must be exhausting to balance them. But even the fiend within her could not bare the idea of one day existing alone on an earth made of scorched rock and emptiness. So she had tamed herself somewhat, in order to live in civilization. She was still overwhelmed with loneliness; she desperately missed her mate - Edward, one whom I had once coveted. But now she consumed me. I had want for no other and she knew it, perhaps even encouraged it to keep others away.

She glided into my chamber, more graceful than any vampire and more menacing still. She pushed the hood of her black cloak back. She still had long mahogany hair that fell about her shoulders in silken curls, excruciatingly perfect features and full lips; she had long strong limbs and curves that were neither soft nor angular, but always delicate in appearance. Wistfully I remembered the days when I truly controlled the Vampire world. I never failed to notice that were she not so powerful; my desire to collect all that was remarkable would have sought her just for her allure. Her eyes were unusual, the same soft deep brown they had been when she was human but laced with a strange silver shimmer. But still, she did not look human, she was always too ethereal, too still, too graceful, too terrifying in her silent promise of destruction. I wondered, as I always did, what she would look like in the sun. She was able to censor _some_ of what was in her mind from me, thoughts of Edward and her greatest secrets of light. All that was dark was exposed; her guilt and self-loathing wanted it to be seen, so she may regret it more. She absolutely despised herself.

With those eyes piercing into me, her face was a mask, she gave me permission to access her mind and check her progress.

Bella's mind was more complex than any other, I understood why she had to be completely absent from her physical self just to move the shield from her mind. Her memory was littered with different powers, including my own. I had to search through memories that were not her own, courtesy of her use of my gift, sensations never felt before – each power had its own vibe, I stumbled across a few memories and thoughts from her years here at Volterra and I wondered how long I would have to stay in her mind to hear it all. I may have lived thousands of lifetimes, but Bella's head was as crowded as my own. I ignored all her human memories and thoughts, I avoided the first two years of her time at Volterra, two years of a self-inflicted coma, self-exile, and began at when she awoke, the demon was tamed during those years she spent dormant.

_It's time to exist. Wake up your body Bella. _

I had sat beside her during those two years, watching over her, waiting for this moment. She knew only the Volturi would be strong enough to endure her time as a newborn, only we would have the resources to help her train. The Cullens would be left alone and she would be her own master. Her body had come awake slowly, and finally, her eyes opened.

For a moment there had been nothing. She was ever in mourning for Edward, wanting but knowing she should not, could not have him. She registered that it was me sitting with her and her face remained blank. I finally heard what she had thought these first few minutes.

"_Aro, I am so sorry to be such an inconvenience." _

I had laughed, I had considered this the kind of thing Bella the human would have said and she had tensed up.

_Don't be weak now Bella. This is not a man you should be vulnerable in front of. He will manipulate you and bend you to his will. _

_I don't want the Volturi Empire now, if I take any power, the side of me that wants it will thrive and I don't want that. What will I do now? Do I stay with them?_

_**Take the empire, take it all! We've rested long enough!**_

She seemed to sigh. _My demon has been reasoned with but it will not be ignored. I must stay with them. _

"_Aro, I am going to tell you now what is going to happen." _

She was her own master, but she did stay with us. All these years though had changed her. The demon within her had faded, but she was not content. She was silent and unresponsive. She did everything with grace but never with any enthusiasm. As her demon faded, the girl she was faded as well. She was a ghost. The promise of power lay in her features but she controlled everything, nothing slipped.

She filled her time with learning, history, science, all of it. She played every instrument, but refused to even listen to a piano, she learned every language but shied away from Spanish, she learned how to fight - though why she would ever need to was beyond me. She ran, she read, but never anything romantic and sometimes she sang.

We were all in love with her, but never more than when she sang, because she made us all feel the heart that seemed so unnecessary, we felt it break with her. She would lie on bench in the courtyard, delicate and ethereal as a faerie, the shadow of the moon twisting over her graceful form as the trees swayed above her. She would stare up at the night's sky, at the stars, as her voice softly floated, making the air thicken with emotion. I wondered if she could feel our presence, all of us drawn towards the shadows around her, dreamily sighing at the pleasure of her song, sad though it was. I even had a favourite, one she simply hummed, an unknown lullaby that drifted to its tragic demise each time.

It was her solitude that disturbed me. She was always alone, and by her choice. Many of the guards imagined themselves in love with her and many more lusted for her, none more so than Felix. His persistence grated on my nerves and I speculated on just how closely he had managed to get. His scent seemed to always be on her skin. But no, she was ever distant; no doubt the smell was due to how often he would try to drape himself around her.

I had come to think of Bella as a daughter and I wondered, as I often did, if it would be so bad for Edward to join her. But as quickly as I thought it, I hated the idea. If he came, she would no longer be mine. And she was mine, though I was equally hers, because while she could obliterate me, I was the only one she had.

**Felix POV**

I had had her, many times in fact. Nobody knew, not even Aro, for since it first happened, those 18 years ago, he had not touched me, it was our memory, ours alone and I treasured it and thought about it often. But I knew it was not the same to her as it was to me.

_Isabella Swan. I had lusted for her blood the first time I saw her and as I had walked along with her and the two insignificant vampires who felt so possessive of her, I watched her body shiver and felt something more. I had felt lust many times before, but never for a human. Watching her shiver, pressed against the insufferable bronze haired sop, I briefly found myself overwhelmed with the idea of her pressed against me and shivering not with cold, as she did now, but with ecstasy._

_I wondered if her boyfriend could hear these fantasies, and at first, I was embarrassed, but I became emboldened as he ignored me, I thought of more obscene fantasies, hoping to get a rise out of him, I continued to sigh dramatically for effect, but he did not react. _

_I, on the other hand, did, I imagined pushing into her and tasting her at the same time and I imagined the bliss. As I felt my body reacting I shook myself out of it. Finally, we stepped past the familiar heavy wooden door and into reception. I winked at Gianna and she giggled. I could have her any way, any time and I smiled at the thought. _

_It was only when Alec sized Bella up sceptically and I called my claim on her – body and blood, that Edward reacted. But when I challenged him, he was subdued by the spiky black haired one, the fortune teller._

_She must not have foreseen that would eventually lay my hands on Bella._

_Volterra buzzed with the gossip that Bella had awoken. Two years she had rested beneath Aro's watchful gaze. None, not even the Brothers, could understand what she was, how she could shut down for two years, never to feed. My curiosity was piqued when Demetri rushed by saying she was running free in the city and somehow I knew where she would be._

_I picked up her scent in the alley I expected it to be and once again I found myself pushing through the wooden doors. The chambers below had been abandoned with the creation of larger more luxurious chambers, but the smell of human sacrifice lingered._

_I found her standing in the middle of the cavernous room we had once entertained the idea of slaughtering her in starring blankly at the musty thrones. I stood at the door feeling unsure of myself for the first time in a long time. I felt lust and fear mingle. God she was beautiful, but the memory of her in the clearing horrified me. She could kill me, as easily as I could have killed her when she had been human. _

_I could see her hands balled up at her sides; unconsciously I moved closer and grabbed both of her hands, pulling her back up against my chest. She did not startle, knowing as I had known that she could feel me there. She seemed to tremble against me and I found my eyes closing and my face moving into her hair, smelling the intoxicating sweetness of her, the memory of her blood seemed to mix in with the scent of strawberries. _

_I wondered if she was sad, my hands wrapped around her fists at her side, she smelled intoxicating, I wondered-_

_Suddenly she whirled towards me, tearing her hands from mine, no, she was not upset, she was livid. _

_Oh fuck._

_I waited to be torn to pieces and I was shocked by how quickly I felt resigned to my fate, I didn't even tense up or crouch in defence. I closed my eyes and waited for the end, but before I knew what was happening I felt her lips crushing against mine and her nails digging vengefully into the back of my neck and in my hair. I groaned into her mouth, already anticipating the roughest sex I would ever experience. God, I hope I live through it, but if not, it'll be a hell of a way to go!_

**BPOV**

I felt Aro's hands on my face, softly comforting as he assessed my progress over the last two decades. I did not let him see it all, but I knew I could not help the way my every thought and memory was tainted with the sadness of lost love. I saw all of him too, all of his darkness and duplicity and his more recent light. He embraced me as a father, a mentor, and that love, though unnatural in its possessive nature, improved him. I could hear how he had contemplated bringing Edward to me and his dismissal of the idea, ever selfish in his love. I was glad for it; Aro did not need to know that if Edward should come, as quickly as he arrived he would leave. Aro did not know how disgusted and ashamed Edward would be. I was no longer innocent or pure, I was tainted.

_I told Aro that I would stay, but that I needed time alone. I told him it was his Empire and that I wanted nothing to do with it. I told Aro that I would never call him, or Caius or Marcus "Master". I belonged to myself, and no one else. __And after, I took off, seeking the only memory I had of this place that included Edward. I knew the guard was in a frenzy, Aro was unperturbed by my defiance and he sat in silent contemplation, mindless of the frantic chaos that was caused by my awakening. _

_I found the underground alleys quiet and still, as though none had stalked in their darkness for months. It was strange to remember how it had felt before. Once the darkness had pressed insistently around me, but now I wore it like a cloak. I reached the door much quicker this time and ran my fingers over the wood slowly, lovingly. I entered the reception and found myself wondering what had happened to Gianna, I noticed the counter was no longer polished to a shine, but covered in a fine layer of dust. As my eyes landed on the sofa at the far wall my mind was consumed with Edward and I was struck again by my grief. _

_If she was killed, perhaps Gianna had been lucky. She had been so much like me, wanting, though for different reasons, to become part of this world. I had gotten what I wanted and ended up almost destroying my love._

_I moved through the antechamber and into the room where I had seen Edward curled on the floor, incapacitated by an unseen force, pain contorting his beautiful face. I remembered how distraught I had been, mindless of Jane's attempt to attack me. I would never have guessed that a few years later I would inflict a similar attack on him, shocking him again and again, angry that he was losing hope for me, for us. _

_I felt rather than heard the huge bulk that was Felix lingering in the doorway. How did he know where to find me? I pondered over the possibility of him trying to rip me to pieces once again and I knew he would be unsuccessful, no matter what he did. Nothing could ever tear me apart like my remorse. _

_It would be an understatement to say that I was shocked when I felt his hands on mine, his strong torso wrapped around my back, his mouth and nose nestled in my hair. I realized what I needed to do. If I were to exist here, I needed to shatter the memories I had of this place, I needed to make new ones. I needed new hands to mark my flesh, a new taste in my mouth. I needed to prove how unworthy I was so I would relinquish my hope and my claim over Edward. I needed to let go of him and I needed him to do the same. Tanya would be more than willing…_

_With that thought I found myself tearing at Felix, my mouth smashed against his so hard it was painful, even for me. This would not be tender, this would not be us making love, this would be primal and ferocious, it would be what I needed it to be, and Felix was more than compliant. _

_I let him back me up until we were a foot from one of the stone walls, I let him slam me against the cold bricks, unsettled dust and grim falling around us like snow. Not snow, this was not Forks; this was not clean and white. He ripped at my robe, opening it impatiently and digging his fingers into my breasts, lifting me off the ground and grinding his hips hard into mine, growling like a feral animal. _

_My hands made quick work of his clothing, shredding his expensive designer slacks and button down till they fell to the floor in a tattered mess around his feet. I raked my nails down his chest; it was not a passion of love but of despair and rage, he would know this was not about sweet emotions. He shuddered under my fingers as I wrapped my hand around him, guiding him towards me, impatient for obscurity. _

**Felix POV**

_I marvelled at my role of dominance. Her legs wrapped around me, pinned against the wall as she was, she was breathtaking. Everything about her demanded this be sex of the most violent sort. I would never again be able to connect her to the frightened human she had been. She was a wrathful goddess quaking beneath me. I drove into her again and again, sliding most of the way out and then slamming in; anyone of a lesser strength would have shattered apart. I was shocked that she was not a virgin but reassured myself that her Edward could have never physically possessed her like this. _

_All too soon I found myself tensed against her, buried to the hilt, I imagined my scent would linger on her for weeks. _

_I was disappointed that she did not find her release. After the most amazing sex of my life I had hoped to insure an encore. But a few weeks later I found that I did not need to worry. I was watching her, which I did a great deal of the time, when she finally made eye contact and silently left the immense Volturi library. I followed her through the streets, her eyes fixed on the twilight sky above, when she disappeared down into the tunnels. _

_This time was just as vicious, but we did not make it to the throne room, instead we found ourselves on the receptionist counter. Afterwards Bella asked about Gianna, we had killed her only weeks after Bella first left. Silently Bella slipped out from beneath me, restored her robe around her shoulders and left, without another word. Just like she had the last time, and like she would again, weeks later after we'd been together on the sofa. _

She never did find her release, but for 18 years it has continued this way and I am ashamed to admit that I live for it now. My whole life revolves around the one hour every couple of weeks that she gives me and after a few attempts at gentleness I know if I am anything but rough and direct I will be denied. I have not deceived myself, this is not how a woman in love wants it to always be and it is not difficult to summon the fury necessary to keep her in my arms, all I have to do is imagine the one she truly wants holding her.

**BPOV**

After my visit with Aro, who was satisfied with my control, I found Felix. I was disgusted with the baleful looks he'd been giving me and I coldly reminded him that I did not love him. I couldn't help but be reminded of Jacob and somehow it made me angrier. Did Felix really think, as Jacob had once thought, that he could make me forget Edward?

This time we were pressed together on one of the thrones, I was straddling him and glaring at his face wishing it was another. As if he could read my mind his hands suddenly wrapped around my throat, squeezing as though trying to cut off the air I did not need.

My God, he was furious; he would destroy me if he could.

What a silly notion, if I could have been ripped apart I would have seen to it long ago and when his hands slackened, shock registering in his expression, I began to laugh maniacally. His hands tightened again and in an instant he was standing up with me in his arms and then slamming me to the ground at the foot of the throne, pushing against my windpipe with all his strength. But in the same moment, our bodies still connected, he had come crashing into me and he completely lost it.

His hands moved around his back to my knees and he pried them apart, and opened my legs as wide as they could go, until my knees were chaffing against the cold ground. He rose up one last time and his entire frame came crashing down on top of me. As soon as his trembling began to subside I rolled him off, still shaking, to the ground beside me, rose, grabbed my cloak and left.

His scent humbles me, reminds of the despicable creature that I am.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I do not.**

**Songs That Inspire: Breathe Me – Sia, Grazed Knees – Snow Patrol, Miss You – Blink182, Jesus Christ – Brand New, I Feel So – Box Car Racer**

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**AlicePOV**

_I wiped the blood off my mouth; I was crouched over my kill, Jasper only a few feet away when a vision flashed before me:_

_Aro sitting in an office surrounded by consensus records, tapping his fingers against his temple, deep in concentration. A look of determined resolved set in his ancient features and suddenly everything went black…_

_What could it mean?_

_Oh dear God. We're being summoned._

**AroPOV**

Bella had thrown into a rage when I told her, I had seen her like this a few times in Volterra and I resisted the urge to cower.

"WHY? How could -…" Impatient, she embraced my power and although I could only use it with physical contact, I felt the absence of it, the usual hum of it in my body. She did what I had wished to do aloud the first time I had met her, when I was confronted with Edward's request to end him, desperate not to exist if she did not. She could hear from a distance, like him, and hear it all, like me. I would never get used to the feeling of being so exposed, and influenced by my new feelings of attachment to someone other than my mate, Sulpicia, and the knowledge of how it felt to be vulnerable, I was more hesitant than before to strip people of their deepest, darkest secrets.

"I trusted you!" I was confounded by the delicate and insecure creature in front of me, and for the first time in a long time, I was able to see her as Edward's Bella. I was able to understand the protective impulse he felt towards her, though ludicrous as it now was. I could see the emotions choking her…maybe it was not so ludicrous, maybe what she needed to be protected from was herself. Her eyes flashed as she heard these thoughts and although I was certain Jane was miles away with Heidi, I could now feel the searing pain of her gift as only Bella could use it.

Moments of agony passed and when four of our guards tried to restrain her, she toppled them with me, but they were quickly replaced by five more. When the agony stopped I was grateful, a part of her let them bring her down. This was why she needed us, only we would have the persistence and the resources to distract her long enough for her to muster up whatever reason she had left.

**BPOV**

Alice was coming. Would she come alone? It was all I could think about as Aro composed himself.

More importantly was when she would come. I could smell Felix in my hair and I was ashamed. I could remember her writhing at my feet in agony in the clearing and the feeling grew. I heard her sobs as her husband tried to rid the earth of me and I could bear it no longer.

Did she hate me? She should. Did _he_ hate me? Would he come with her?

Why did he never come for me?

_I told him not to. I asked Aro to make sure he was forbidden from Volterra, that if he should come, he should be asked, without any violence, to please leave. If he did not leave, they could drag him kicking and screaming out of the walls, but they could not be aggressive beyond that. _

Secretly I knew that I had expected him to come, that I expected it to one day be necessary for the Volturi guard to forcibly remove him from our city. If it had been the other way around, I knew I would have come.

Doubt say heavy in the bottom of my stomach. Clearly I did not mean as much to him as he had convinced me to believe. I remember his words of promise when he returned to me, months after Jasper had attacked me.

Curiosity and desperation bred my next words, "If any of the other Cullens should feel inclined to join her, they may be allowed entry to the city. Alice should not have to feel alone here."

Yes, of course, it was Alice I was worried about, not my own incessant need to see Edward. Not my nagging hope that he would come with her.

A week had passed and I was strung tight with anxiety, even more so because it had been so long since I truly felt any emotion besides anger or sadness, in all their forms. My body was positively humming with excitement, though I did not know of what kind of excitement it sang with.

At the same time, I was more irritable this week than I had ever been. Jane had always provoked me, terrified that I would come alive, while at the same time allowing her pride and spite to thrive, emboldened as she was by my numb state. But this week, I had brought her to her knees twice, she twitched and jerked and shrieked, but refused to submit, ever defiant. It would kill her one day, I would kill her.

How dare she speak in happy tones about how much she hoped Edward would come, eager to acquaint herself with him like she had before. The first time I smothered the outburst quickly and left, but the second time, Alec, Afton and Santiago had thrown themselves on me. I quickly tossed them away, but the moment I stumbled my focus broke and I came back.

I could never be with the Cullens. I could not hurt even one of them. Men who were not even the target of my contempt came crashing down when they tried to stop me. How ironic that it was for the same reasons that Edward left so many years ago that I was now living in self-exile, condemned to live forever and never touch him again.

No, he would not come with Alice. He had given up on me long ago and he knew the only thing left in this body was evil. He may have only considered the idea before, but after 20 years I was certain he must have convinced himself that it was the truth.

But when would she come to us?

**AlicePOV**

I was relieved when the invitation came. It was written in Aro's handwriting and requested only myself. A day later another message arrived, again in his writing and it confused me. All it said was that I could bring whoever I wished with me to Volterra. The phrasing was too open to suggest it was a subtle command. I knew Bella had forbid entry to Volterra from any Cullen.

I had to bring Jasper, he had been with me when my first vision happened and he had guessed at its meaning when I came to, gasping, "I can't see". It was easy to convince everyone we were just going to go on an extended hunting trip. I didn't even need to hide my thoughts from Edward.

_Edward._ Should I tell him? No, not until I knew what it was about. I knew I could go and come back and he may never know I'd gone. He didn't even live with us anymore. Instead he stayed with the Denali's, as he had for 15 years.

He was a shell of his former self and he knew how his emotions affected Jasper. I tried not to be grateful for his departure, I loved him, really I did, but Jasper was suffering with him, even so many years later. Edward had given me a wry smile that did not reach his eyes, he understood my relief and I felt horrible for it.

Esme had been devastated at the way our family seemed to slowly fall apart. We went about our routines, but more often than any of us would care to admit, we found ourselves in a trance of silent contemplation, starring at nothing and speaking to no one for hours at a time. We had never healed from Bella.

Oh, it sounds awful, it sounds horrible, but it's as true as my own existence. She had not scarred us physically, although we could all remember the pain with shuddering clarity, her mark had been much more profound. I blamed myself for not seeing it. Carlisle blamed himself for not knowing to expect it. Jasper blamed himself for his assumption that she would be like everyone else. Esme blamed herself for not protecting her son from heart ache. Rosalie blamed herself from not killing the girl when she had a chance. Emmett blamed himself for not being strong enough to subdue her.

Edward blamed himself for all of it. For coming back to school after he had first met her, for talking to her, for falling in love with her, for claiming her as his bride, for changing her though he knew he should not. He blamed himself for not expecting her to be different, as she had always been, he blamed himself for letting her go, he blamed himself for getting his family caught up in it and he blamed himself for the way his family was ripped apart because of it.

He blamed Bella too.

I thought of him as I took my seat on the plane, hand in hand with Jasper. I knew exactly what he was doing right now without even seeing him in my mind. He was a creature of habit, trusting routine to lull him through time, ever hopeful she would come to him.

At twilight he lay down for the night ahead, he would watch the stars and imagine that somewhere in the world, Bella's eyes were watching with him. In the morning, he would read and lose himself in the pages. In the afternoon he would hunt and lose himself to his instincts. Tanya and Kate called us often, to inquire if this was normal behaviour and worry over what to do about him. He was polite as ever, but absent, and we told the sisters the only thing we knew could be done, leave him be.

**BPOV**

I was informed immediately of their arrival at the gates. There were two, Alice and an "unfamiliar blonde man", Jasper of course. My heart seemed to deflate, he didn't come. Calm swept over me as I realized it and I was able to sit still in my chambers and I heard their feet pass silently up the stairs outside my door, up to Aro's study. My room was a symbol of my rank, high in one of the towers. I composed myself and was grateful that Jasper was no longer aware of me, though I knew they could both smell me in this tower, I also knew that if he could feel my emotions right now, my door would pulse with my anguish and I would be found.

I cleared my face of all expression and made my way up the tower, not bothering to turn off the harp music I had been listening to.

After all, it was for me that Alice had come.

I pushed through the door behind them and they both turned towards me. Jasper was carefully composed but Alice reeled visibly. Surely she had expected me to be here? No, it's probably my eyes…

I couldn't help myself and I plucked up the cloak of Jasper's power and felt what they felt. Jasper was tense and defensive, always protective of his love. He seemed expectant as well, as though waiting for me to attack. Alice felt like disbelief, hope, love and sadness. I stepped forward and the churning energy in Jasper seemed to swell. I radiated calmness towards them and they both seemed to relax.

I focused my eyes on Alice and if it had been Jasper's meagre control over his power, the calm energy would not have been enough, he would have snapped. As it was they seemed dazed. I hesitated and I realized just how much I had missed them. My longing began to swell out towards them but I reined it in, they would not long for me if they did not wish to. I stepped closer to Alice still, mesmerised by her and the amber eyes that haunted me from a different face from the one in my memory. I returned Jasper's power to him, knowing I was immune. My face did not betray the unsettled feelings that drove me closer still to Alice. Jasper hesitated at her side and I saw her hand squeeze his reassuringly.

Before I could even register what I was doing my hands were on her shoulders, slipping up her neck and into her hair black pixie's hair. I couldn't believe that she was real, the best friend who featured in my dreams of a perfect family, the sister I had always wanted. Feeling very instinctual I leaned forward and closed my eyes, I could feel her cheek sliding under mine; my nose millimetres from her ear, breathing her in. I was startled all over again by the fact that this was, indeed, Alice. My face still carefully blank I leaned away and opened my eyes, holding hers with my gaze and my hands slid back down to her shoulders before I let her go. They all looked stunned by the strange gesture and I was reminded of when Edward had tasted one of my tears.

And then something registered with me, my senses more heightened than any other. The scent from the last time Edward had been close to Alice corresponded with the smell of the Denali Coven. _Anger, my constant companion._ Abruptly the draw I felt for all things powerful went wild and all of them felt what I felt, heightened as it was. Alice's vision became my own and I saw a bloodbath unfold in this tiny office, each of us infected with my rage, the thoughts Aro could not hear rang in my ears, humming energy, the buzz of Jane's power, the numb thrumming of Alec, I was overwhelmed with it all and my anger was momentarily forgotten. Everyone became visibly calmer.

"Forgive me." I murmured, "Let's get on with it, shall we? But first there are a few things I must know-", Jasper and Alice shared a look, "Do not fret. They should be simple enough. I would like to know what became of my parents and of Jacob?"

Alice was still tense and her eyes took in my figure before she spoke, slowly, hesitantly, as if to an unknown stranger, "Jacob imprinted and he's happy now. Charlie married a new waitress at the diner he loves, and Renee is happy. Phil has been very successful. And as for Ed-"

I couldn't help but snarl, "Enough." I walked around the office and stood against the wall behind Aro's desk and motioned for them to sit, "I imagine you must have a great many questions. Aro will be more than happy to answer them." Aro took his seat at the desk and explained what he could.

Alice and Jasper nervously took their seats and starred across the desk at us. I again resisted Alice's power and waited for them to sort through their thoughts.

"I guess," Alice began, "I would like to know why I didn't see this?"

"But Alice, you did see it!" Confusion settled in her features as she looked at Aro.

"…But her eyes?"

"Yes, strange are they not? Well, I suppose if you never have to consume any blood, eyes may return to what they are naturally. Do not be startled, yes, it is true. Bella does not require blood to stay alive. I know she certainly did enjoy it during those weeks with you –"I grimace, unable to forget my victims, "but she spent her first two years with us battling her demons and under her own control she has discovered she does not need it."

Jasper spoke up, voicing what he and his wife were both thinking, "What does that mean?"

Aro was smug, eager to share his theory, "The vampire population has been on the rise, it is believed the human race will eventually become extinct if we predators are not kept in check, but it would seem it is not our kind of vampire that will take over but Bella's kind, the kind who do not depend on humanity.

So far there has been none like Bella. But she was unique even as a human and more unique still as a "singer", one who was destined for death, should it be a death of humanity or one delivered by us, unable as we normally are to resist.

Evolution has been impeded by the secrets of blood. I believe that any "singer" who should be turned would be like Bella. Although considering not all "singers" has talents even as a human, she is still a marvel of her own kind.

But thus far, there has never been a "singer" who has avoided execution, never a "singer" who existed as a vampire. That is why it is illegal now for a singer to be turned; only a Cullen would have thwarted plans of blood. I always told Carlisle it was unnatural, and now you've jump started evolution. Edward was supposed to kill her, but having you, Alice with him, he was able to avoid it. Bella is an abomination!" Aro emphasized his words by slamming his palm down onto the desk, Jasper and Alice became tense and I could feel their eyes on me, waiting for my reaction. I remained detached and emotionless. I knew what they were thinking. Was I not angry to hear myself spoken of in such a manner? I had heard Aro think this many times before and again I was faced with the reality of my situation. Aro may think of me as a daughter, but in a medieval sense, I was the family that threatened his right to power and he would remove me if he could.

"The world is not ready for her kind, which is why the blood still condemns them. Until they are not targeted by nature to be singers, they _must_ always die. Until the riddle of their sweet scent is faded, they _will_ always die.

So we have a plan, to ensure our survival. No more new vampires are to be created, no more competition and we must find a way to stop the humans from destroying themselves, foolish things that they are. That is why we need Alice, so Bella may extend her your farther into the future so we can see if our plan will work, to see the effect of our decision."

Finally I stepped forward and addressed Alice, "May I?"

Alice nodded.

I embraced the aura of her vision and searched far into the future. No, his plan would only serve to delay evolution. The extinction of the human race, of earth itself, was inevitable. Even if they could stop the Earth from dying, the mortal critters that were featured on their menu would destroy themselves. Nonetheless I smiled reassuringly at Aro, no need to alarm him, and the plan was still useful, at least as a delay.

"I will make a suggestion." Alice was going to love this, "The years of uncertainty and the risk of occasional starvation may be diminished if the vampire race would decrease their intake of human blood. The Volturi spoil themselves with daily buffets and even those who consume a rational amount may benefit in the future by substituting some meals with animals."

Aro was outraged but he, like everyone else, cowered from the idea engaging me. He knew his earlier statement was risky enough, true though it was.

"This meeting is adjourned. Thank you both for coming to meet with us. Give our best to your family." On the outside, I was dismissive, on the inside it tore me up, "_your_ family", it was not _ours_ and I risked a great deal of uncertainty indeed if I pursued the option. I returned Alice's gift but not before I saw that this conversation was far from over.

I excused myself and slipped out the door and to my room where I waited for the onslaught.

**AlicePOV**

It takes a lot to shock me. Even as a vampire, I am unusually well acquainted with the unbelievable. And that is exactly what Bella is, unbelievable. I knew I seemed uncharacteristically solemn and unresponsive during our conversation but she was just so different!

I don't know what I expected to find here. I miss my best friend so much, but the cold brunette I just met was a far cry from her. She wasn't the odd mix of shy and friendly, she wasn't slyly playful; she wasn't even a fashion disaster! Okay, okay, the black dress was a bit simple for my taste, but it was obviously a quality piece and she looked gorgeous in it. Which reminds me, my Bella was _not_ graceful, and she did not _glide_ around on stilettos.

Instead this Bella was like...scary. She walked in, looking strangely a lot like the person I love, but also blaringly alien. I wasn't at all surprised to know that she was not quite vampire. I couldn't help but wonder if this is what we must look like to humans. Confident, cold, aloof and exuding a vibe that that our sixth, or, in my case, seventh sense reacted to, something inside of us that was drawn to her while another part of us screamed for us to run. She was more different still from the erratic mess of a newborn we last saw her as.

Nonetheless, I was disappointed and hurt by the way she dismissed us afterwards, but I knew where to find her.

Jasper growled warningly when I told him, "Alice."

"Please Jasper, I just have to talk to her, you can wait for me downstairs. Please, I'll be okay." Well, that was a bit of a stretch, I had no idea if I would be okay, but I definitely was not okay with letting her brush us aside like that. We were her family! My brother loves her! I love her! I missed her, doesn't she miss me? She must, why else would she have reached out for me like that?

I pushed the door open to what I found was her room, a few steps down from Aro's office. I walked into the strangely circular bedroom and saw that Bella was perched on her bed, waiting for me. How strange this room was, lavish but shaped oddly like a doughnut, I realized that the staircase went through the middle of it. It was much bigger than Aro's dusty office, surprisingly so. The room was scarcely decorated, instead relying on the ancient charm of the stone, hardwood furniture draped in white and strangely modern windows. I took this all in during the quarter of a second, my eyes still on Bella.

"Yes Alice?"

"I have a few more questions."

She inclined her head and stood up from the bed, "Of course."

I stalled and went over to her closet to investigate, "Is it always this exciting around here? At first, I thought we would all kill each other up there." _My God, everything in this closet is black! _

Bella gave me a grim smile, "Unfortunately, when I feel anger so strongly-"she put up her hand to stop me from asking why she felt that way, "I lose control of my resistance and absorb all the powers pressing down on me and with Jasper there, I unthinkingly projected my feelings on to you. But no, normally I can control myself."

So much for light conversation, that question just opened a giant can of worms.

"Resist? You don't consciously take it?" _We never even gave her a chance! We condemned her for being a modified version of a newborn and let her go!_

"No, I am constantly resisting, I hate taking other's powers and I try to avoid it. Well, except with Jane."

I laughed at Bella's chagrined grimace, as much because I loathed Jane as because it seemed so very like my Bella. But at the same time, I remember my most recent experience of Jane's power in Bella's hands and wondered at the information Bella just revealed to me.

"Shouldn't we have all been obliterated in the clearing then?" The convergence of power that day was astounding, surely if she had let go completely, all those powers together would have taken a chunk out of Seattle, along with us and every other thing within a ten mile radius.

"Maybe, but the part of me that hated what I was doing resisted as best I could. I've become much more in control of myself since, my shield has helped to block off that part of my mind, but it's a dangerous balance and it took me a long time to withstand that part of my nature even somewhat. If there is a power around me, I can take it, refuse it, and give it back. Can you understand? I control it now, it doesn't control me. And it did control me, we think the power was so much, and my kind is not yet developed enough to take it on, that I just became overwhelmed. I let the power become its own demonic entity. I am unstable. I know what you want. I can't come with you Alice, I'm sorry."

I sighed, resigned, "Can I at least sit with you here for a moment? I have missed you so much Bella!" Bella softened at my words and I knew she still cared. Without thinking I reached my hand out and pet her hair gently, as if she could still break. She looked like she could. She did not react to my touch and I quickly withdrew my hand.

It seemed strange to sit here with this person who had been my best friend and, was still, my sister-in-law. She had spent twenty years away from us while my brother seemed to disintegrate before our eyes. I could see that while she was less passive than my beloved brother, she had suffered the neglect of twenty years, she was reserved, distant. She was alone.

And then I wondered at the idea that one day, everyone she knew might starve to death while she lives on. Would she still be alone?

And if human is what we both used to be, how would their population sustain themselves? Surely they could not create a new one without a previous source of life…

"I'm sorry to interrupt you Alice, but I saw this conversation, and I cannot wait for it. Yes, Alice, my reproductive system continues, but I think only one of my 'species' can impregnate me. Now ask me Alice, ask me if I have tested this theory."

How could she test it? There were no others like her! Were there? Or did she just know that no one else could? _Oh no! No she couldn't! She wouldn't! She would never do that to Edward! _

"Bella, have you had sex with someone else?"

"Yes."

My palm was flying across her face before the word even left her mouth.

**BPOV**

I knew she would slap me. I also knew I deserved it. And Jesus was that a hit, if I were any normal vampire, I have no doubt the impact of that strike would've sent my head off my body and flying into one of the walls. As it was, all I felt was a mild sting. I wondered how her hand felt now.

"Alice, stop." She was flying towards the door in a whirlwind of fury, but there was still more I needed to say to her, "Do you want to know the real reason why I stay here?"

She turned on me with a vengeance and was on her toes in my face screaming at me in an instant, "_Don't you dare fucking tell me it's because of some guard!_ _What happened to you Bella? Do you even realize that Edward is still here on this earth? Do you even care?"_

I struggled to keep my voice steady, "Yes, Alice. I do know he is still here, on this earth. No, I have not fallen in love with someone else." I could see Alice gearing up to give me more lashings and I quickly stopped her, "Alice, I have heard the litany of your insults for this conversation already and I know I have it coming, but Jasper is anxiously waiting for you. So, will you listen?"

She calmed herself, a bit more willingly, I think, than she would with someone else. No matter how angry, there was an undercurrent of fear in Alice, like her instincts were telling her not to provoke me, to run away. I am the ultimate predator now and I hate myself for it.

"Good. There are two reasons Alice: one which is both obvious and public knowledge, and the other, which is complicated and more important than the first. The first is that only the Volturi is large enough to attempt to contain me, because, believe me, I have my moments where I need to be subdued. Any smaller coven could be destroyed in one of my fits. I cannot leave here without risking others and I certainly do not want to risk you or your family. Do you want to know the other reason?"

Alice nodded eagerly and I hesitate, unsure how to explain myself on this point - this point that wouldn't really be an issue if I had let my demon take over, if I forgot my love for him.

"Alice, four years after I left, was Edward's hand torn off?"

At first, I almost smiled at the perplexed look on her face, but at the same time, her expression was enough to confirm it. I tried to cover the anguish I felt, it was horrible to be proven right.

**AlicePOV**

I rushed to give her an explanation, "Yes, but it was quickly restored. Did you see that happen? My God, even I didn't foresee that Jasper would come across a human mid-hunt! We are always so careful with his activities; I thought the forest was clear. If Edward hadn't been there to stop him…" I shuddered at the idea of Jasper's remorse.

"No, Alice, I didn't see it! I _felt_ it."_ What?_ "Thankfully I was alone when my hand seemed to detach itself from my body of its own accord. I still screamed bloody murder, and try though I did, it only restored moments later, I imagine at the same time Edward's did. It would seem, with my species that one literally cannot live without the other. My true love is the key to my destruction." _Impossible! _"The Volturi would kill him just to be rid of me. If they knew this…" Bella huffed in frustration, "I should destroy them all just for the possibility of their duplicity, but I spent two years silencing the murderer within me and I will not have it reawaken for them. The world needs them; they are the most capable and, more importantly, most _willing_ authority. I need to keep an eye on them and I need to make sure that I never see Edward here."

"Alice," Bella breathed my name like a plea, "I just, I needed you to know the truth, because you're the best friend I've ever had. I'm so sorry to have disappointed you, I'm disappointed in myself. But I do love you and I miss you and..." _Edward. _She couldn't say it, but it was there between us, unspoken.

I thought about this, and while I might not ever understand how she could have given her body to another, I would give her the benefit of the doubt, because she _is_ my sister.

Bella interrupted my musings, "Now, do you remember Afton?"

I did remember him; he was a one of the Volturi guard. I narrowed my eyes at her and wondered if she was going to share all the gory details.

"His gift involves the memory, very handy for the sake of all our secrecy among humans. I am able to manipulate it and use it on our…your…kind. For the safety of this secret though, I have to use his gift on you, so Aro may never look into your mind and see it. It will be locked away."

_No! _"Bella, I have to keep this memory of you! It's been killing me all these years, wondering why you've never come back to us! Please!"

"I'm sorry Alice, it's too dangerous. But do not worry, while Afton's gift works to remove the memory, the feelings from it remain. You will feel satisfied by this trip. When Edward is putting himself at risk, you will _feel_ how important it is that he remains _intact_." Bella's voice became fierce, "Because if what happened sixteen years ago happens at court, the Volturi will be curious to know how I seem to have just fallen apart and they will investigate!"

"But with Afton here, can't you just erase their memory of it?"

Bella laughed but it was without humour, "I told you Alice, the Volturi are cunning. They'll worry at that black spot in their minds. As will you, but the irritation you would feel about not knowing won't be there if you _agree _to let me erase it."

I thought about it and on some level, I wanted to forget about this. I didn't want to know that history was repeating itself as it had after her 18th birthday, but on Bella's part, I'd rather be comforted by ignorance. I also dearly wanted to forget that my darling sister is an adulterer and that I would always have to worry about letting Edward hear my thoughts on this, and think about it I would. It would break his heart more than it was already broken.

I hugged Bella to me quickly, holding tight for a moment, noticing her different smell, before I released her, "Okay."

**BPOV**

Alice came to a second later, "Bella? What –what just happened? I was just standing at your closet and…I missed something."

Her eyes were glazed and disoriented.

"I don't know. You seemed to just pass out. Maybe you had an overwhelming vision. Let me get you an escort to bring you down to Jasper. You'll be okay in a minute." I called for Demetri and asked him to kindly return Mr. Cullen's wife to him. Demetri smirked and gave me a knowing look; he was often with Afton during his missions.

As she made for the door, I said the only words I had left for her, "Alice."

She turned toward me slowly, wary. My face betrayed a moment of anguish.

"Your brother will return to you in four months and 21 days."

"And my sister? When will she return to me?"

"Goodbye, Alice."

____________________________________________-


	4. Chapter 4

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I do not.**

**Songs That Inspire: The Boy That Blocked His Own Shot – Brand New, Say It to Me Now – The Frames, Glycerine – Bush, The Garden – Mirah, White Flag – Dido**

**(Prelude 12/21 – AFI, Tautou – Brand New)**

**------------------------------------------------**

**Four months and 14 days later…**

**BPOV**

I knew where he would be. The same place I went for memories of us in this place. Part of me wished I were wrong, it had become a new place to me since then. I froze in the doorway. He was so beautiful. I had anxiously awaited for this day to come, as apprehensive and dread-filled as I had been, I needed to see him again.

I inhaled deeply, breathing in all the way for the first time in forever, I didn't need air, but the relief I felt was astounding. The pressure on my chest gave way. I could smell it then, Edward's scent, intoxicating and tantalizing as ever, mixed with the smell of sex. Felix.

_Fuck._

He turned towards me, slowly, deliberately. He knew I was here. His face was a careful mask and we locked eyes for long minutes. I couldn't read anything in his expression and I refused to invade on his thoughts. It wasn't right. He is my equal, I deserve no advantage.

No, that wasn't it. I was terrified. I could only imagine the venom and hate in his thoughts as he looked at me. Did I mean anything to him now? If I did, so help me God, I could only imagine what my actions must have done to him. What I must be doing to him. I choked back a sob. I once caused physical pain to him and his family and now he's standing here in the room where I have sinned, over and over, betraying him, my beloved husband, and my better half. He deserved so much more.

Still, why has he never come before?

_Shut up, you don't deserve to know why. You never deserved his attention._

I don't _deserve_.

I could see it now; I would never, ever love another. My love could destroy us both and I am useless to stop it, to keep him safe.

Can he see these emotions on my face?

_Please Edward, talk to me, please._

His eyes are cold, black and flat. He knows what I've done. A sob breaks through.

Without warning he's across the room and gripping my arms tight, kissing me, ravaging my mouth with fury. He can have this, if he wants it, he can have anything. My heart is breaking; all the pieces are forever his. The one vision I allowed myself of Edward was when this is all over, when he truly returns to his family. I couldn't look beyond that. I don't want to know who gets to keep him. I can't look beyond this; all I can do is feel. I've missing him so much. My lips part and he doesn't hesitate. If my lips could bruise they would. My body is racked with sobs but all I can do is grip on to his shoulders.

He is taking me without tenderness and it's more than I have ever felt, feeling how he feels nothing. He's never kissed me like this before and if my change had been normal; if I was what he deserved me to be then he would never have kissed me like this. I'll never again kiss Edward the way I want to. That thought cripples me. This is…Edward's pain and anger manifested. I'll take it.

His fingers are like iron cuffs around my arms, digging in painfully, and his mouth is pressed hard against mine and if I needed air I would have fainted. My head is swimming from his scent alone. He bites my lower lip, it's carnal and if it was an act of passion, I would be purring, as it is, I can only whimper pathetically. Oh God, he can have that too.

He spins me away from the doorframe and backs me up to the receptionist's desk. The smell of sex has been absorbed into the wood and I cringe. Edward lets out an angry breath and throws me on it, the wood splinters beneath my back and although it doesn't hurt physically I can't help but flinch. I brace myself on my elbows and look up at him, his hands on each side of my bent knees, his head hung. He is breathing fast and hard. He is livid, his eyes turn up to meet mine from beneath his beautiful black lashes and they are dark still. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. A broken gasp is sucked into my chest and the ache is back. He's going to leave me again. I foolishly hoped what I saw was wrong, my godforsaken power, my horribly accurate use of Alice's gift, should have rid me of my ridiculous notion. I'm choking on my breath. I stop breathing. I will weather this storm. He deserves this, at the very least. Closure. My breath hitches, caught on the agony.

I can hear the wood breaking beneath his fists, I'm sure it's only been minutes since I found him here, but it feels like the worst lifetime I have ever endured. He stares at me, his nostrils flaring with each breath. My body is tense and I fall back, digging the heel of my palms into my eyes, I wish for the release of tears. My skull feels like it will rip open with the pressure. He roughly grabs my wrists and tears my hands away from my face, slamming them down on either side of my head. I stare at the ceiling. I can't see him like this, this isn't my Edward.

_My_ Edward. He'll never be _my_ Edward again. The pressure is building, the sobs aren't enough release. He has one knee up on the outside of my right leg and he's leaning over me. His hair obstructing my view of the wooden beams above me, his cold breath fanning down onto my collar bone and I shiver.

Why hasn't he said anything? I can feel his eyes on me and finally I move my gaze towards him. He has a pained look on his face and his jaw is tense. I hate myself more than I ever have in this moment. His lips crash down on mine once again. I can't help but half-heartedly move my own against his. I know this will break me later but I need him so fucking badly I can't help but respond to him. I love him so much. I want him more than anything, I want him always. He breaks from my mouth and runs kisses down my neck. His hands release my wrists and grip my blouse; he tears it from my body, my bra following it seconds later. My body is shivering and shaking with the increase in my sobs. I will never breathe the same again.

I can't look at his face. I can't see the hate I am sure to find there. This is the first time he's seen my body like this, hard and cold. The human body is gone and no matter how perfect this new one is, I loath it just for that fact. I am Hell's version of Helen of Troy. My body demands destruction in its selfish name. Edward resisted my demon self, no matter how badly we wanted him. I sound like a fucking schizophrenic. I am no better today, a civil demon wrapped in a black cloak of civility. It eats away at me. I don't want to be alone, but goddammit, I can't stand that my only company for all of eternity is a horrific voice caged within my mind.

These are my thoughts as his mouth trails down my neck to my breasts. I don't move my hands from beside me no matter how badly I wish I could caress his strong jaw or run my fingers through his perfectly messy hair. I doubt he would want me to touch him. He nips at the inside of my breast, it stings. Perhaps we are more physically equal than I thought.

If he wants to destroy me, for that reason alone I would wish him to.

His hands move down my sides to the waistband of my slacks, he hooks his fingers around them and my underwear and he tears away those pieces of clothing as well. I am exposed to him.

One of his hands curls around my hip and the other slides down to my core. My body reacts to him, as it always does and he growls when he feels his fingertips become slick.

Then, for the first time in more than two decades, I hear his deep voice, husky and frigid.

"Does he touch you like this?"

I can hear the anger in his words as he plunges two fingers into me, curling them around, gripping onto my insides in a way that is both pleasure and pain. His words slice through me and the pressure is unbearable in my head, I feel the gifts of others crashing down on me but I resist, I have manipulated my shield and I refuse myself access. My chest feels like it weighs a thousand pounds and I cannot respond to him. I throw my head back, my neck arching, seeking some kind of release I cannot fathom. If my heart was anything but a cold stone within me, I could swear it was tightening painfully. I recognize the feeling, the hole that was in me when he left me, the hole that reopened when I left him; it's gaping and ripping at the edges, threatening to split me in two. His fingers continue to penetrate and curl, tension builds in my lower abdomen and his other hand is holding my hips down. With each thrust of his hand his palm pushes against my swollen clit. His mouth has not stopped its assault on the skin of my chest and stomach, kissing, sucking, licking and biting, his jaw as tense as ever despite its efforts.

I can't stand this; I know all he can think of is my betrayal. His words affirmed that his thoughts were on my wickedness. I can only think of him, I've only ever been able to think of him. I bite my lip to keep these words in. My throat clenches, sobs rip out between my teeth and my nails dig into my palms. Everything is sensation and emotion, a conflict rages between them and its building.

His perfect pink lips are moving lower until he is whispering against my sensitive nerves, his hand turned down to accommodate him. He is looking over the plains on my body and I can't help but look down at him. I am naked and writhing beneath him, my body shaking with unshed tears and physical ecstasy and he is everything that I am not. Collected, disaffected, clothed. He is guarded from me and I'll never get back in. His whispers reach my ears.

"Does he taste you like this?" His features turn into a sneer as his tongue reaches out for me. It's too much. I was wrong. I can't let it go any longer, I would give him anything and everything, but this could break me more than anything ever has. I can't risk it. If I break, does he? Lord help me, I can do no right.

My leg pulls up and folds over, my shin briefly blocking his perfect face before I roll it to close against my other thigh, brushing my foot down and pushing him away. He pulls up until he is standing over me, the hateful sneer still marring his handsome face, he drags the back of his hand across his mouth and I look away.

He is done with me and we both know it.

**EPOV**

I've never been angrier than I was in this room. I could smell the two of them together and if I could have been sick, I would have. I knew she was standing in the door, I could feel her eyes trained on my back. I could sense her presence. I would always notice her.

Apparently I was not the only one.

I went numb then. I needed to have her body, to have control over her. She was mine and only mine as I am only hers. How could she forget us?

I could smell the heady scent of sex saturated into the old wood desk as I ravaged her body and tore her clothes from her, it spurred me on and I gave full reign to the animal within me. Only instinct would survive this. She was heartbreakingly beautiful and my body came alive as I clawed my hands over her body. I wanted to leave my mark on her. This desk should smell of us.

I wondered if she had been like this with him. Had he touched her like this? Had she moaned and called out in bliss beneath him? Had he tasted every inch of her body? My grip tightened on her hip. Had she pealed of his shirt and ran her hands down him? Had she tugged on his hair, urging him on? Before I knew what I was doing, I asked her these questions. I had to know. Let this torture be thorough, I needed to know everything and I despised the fact that there was anything to know.

How could she do this to me? I could never do such a thing to her. I refused all advances for roughly a century and she is away for a portion of that time and gives her body freely? She must not love me. How dare she respond to me like this when my actions have nothing to do with love! When her actions have nothing to do with love... My jaw feels like it is going to snap under the strain. More than anything I want to wrap my arms around her waist and hold her to me forever. But I can't. This is the last straw, I've no dignity left and I can't stay here any longer.

I remain numb, even as she pushes me away and rolls to her side, curling into herself. Her arms are wrapped around her and if I didn't know any better I would think I was watching her heart break. But it was only mine that shattered. She had moved on. I must find a way to do the same. I had to stop hoping for her to come back to me. I was right all those years ago. She died the day I changed her. I killed my gentle, sweet Bella and somehow I've lived on – my punishment.

I need to be strong now and step up. My family is falling apart and I've been gone long enough. I need to leave this room. Fight or flight. I realize with some shock that I just fought my last real battle. Am I the victor? Is this what the broken creature before me represents? Defeat? Is this her relinquishing her claim over me?

I'm not thinking straight. It's time for flight. Her voice, a broken, whispered melody, urges me to leave and I listen.

_Goodbye, Edward. _

**AlicePOV**

"Jasper, what do you think will happen to us all?"

My gorgeous husband turns his eyes towards me, his face as sad as the rest of us. I can only imagine the climate of emotions he is suffering through and I struggle to lighten up, to give him some relief. A small smile graces his lips at my efforts and I can't help but return it. I'm curled into him on our bed while he reads, my head tucked safely under his arm. I can't imagine being without him.

"I don't know, but no matter what, I'm with you." He pecks my forehead and then turns back to his history book. I grin as I watch him read, I thought he must know every name of every soldier documented in the civil war by now. I don't understand how he can still find things to learn about but I'm grateful for it. He is my constant.

I want my sister back so badly and it kills me that I can't remember what happened in her room. I felt horrid the day Edward came for an unexpected visit and finally caught me thinking about it. He took off immediately, to see her for himself. I knew he must've been thinking about going to her for a long time, but our visit was the straw that broke the camels back.

I pulled myself tighter against my husband, seeking the comfort only he could give. More than his power, his body against mine was like a healing balm. We were both where we were supposed to be.

Edward had been away from us for a long time, living a nomadic life. I knew he was drowning himself in his despair. He could try to keep it from us, but the knowledge of it coupled with our longing for him and our sister crippled us. Esme felt the absence of her children and Carlisle spent days pouring over books, trying to understand why Bella had become what she was. Emmett and Rosalie spent days in their room together, bodies locked, and seeking solace from the desperate emptiness of our household. They wouldn't speak or move. Instead they would just stare at each other. None of us could understand an existence without our halves.

Jasper pulled his fingers through my hair absent-mindedly and my eyes closed. As long as I had him I could handle whatever came next. Dread sat in my stomach while we waited to hear from our brother. I knew Bella was lost to us and a small part of my heart would always be missing. We can't lose him too.

A wave of calm spread through me and I opened my eyes to smile up at my love.

Then I heard the front door open and I noticed the perplexed look on Jasper's face. I didn't wait to ask him about it though as I threw myself from our room and hurtled down the stairs into my favourite brother's arms. I held onto him for dear life as each family member entered the room behind me. Esme's arms encircled us both and then Carlisle's. Finally I let go and chanced a look up at his face. He looked…tired. His lips curled up briefly before he turned his face to Jasper.

"Your assessment is correct as always brother. Resignation would be the dominant emotion. I'm ready to come back to you all and I'm sorry, especially to you Esme, for being absent as long as I have."

He refused to tell us about his time with Bella, instead he explained that he spent the last week finally getting ready to come back to us. He said he knew his place was with us and he was ready to step up and be the man we all thought him to be. He said these things to comfort us but my heart broke for him. I knew he would go on living as long as she did, whether he believed it to be her or not. I think he was punishing himself, I think he held himself responsible for what she had become. My thoughts twisted around this idea, something was off. I felt like I was missing the big picture when it came to Bella and it gnawed away at my mind until we retired to our room later. Why could I not remember what she had spoken to me about that day?

A memory came to me then – that day…that day exactly four months and 21 days ago. The memory of her face contorted in pain as she said the words. I felt a part of me rebel against the fact that my brother had returned to us today. My brother, not the shell of a man he had been. He was back and I couldn't bear the fact that he was back _without her_.

I could hear him playing Esme's song on the piano. Could things really go back to normal now? No, we would always feel her absence.

I heard his fingers stumble over a single key and I forced my mind to be silent.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I do not.**

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**EPOV**

I stood in my study and assessed my wall of accomplishments: certificates, degrees and awards. I felt not one ounce of achievement or even satisfaction. I threw myself into my studies more than ever before and my family was proud of me, relieved to see me back to my normal self. It didn't escape me the way they would correct themselves when they thought this, the way they would clarify in their minds that my "normal" self of these days was much more like the quietly content Edward that had existed before Bella. No, they had to be perfectly precise in their analysis; _her_ Edward was _happy, _blissfully happy.

Thankfully they chose to neglect this detail, to be blind with ignorance and peacefully return to their own lives, as they should. I had affected them long enough and I would not have it any other way.

Alice actively chose to pretend alongside me. Her motives were unclear. Perhaps due to unresolved emotions from a lost memory of her visit to Volterra, perhaps because she is an optimist and the concept of 'fake it until you make it' seemed to be the best approach or maybe because she felt helpless to do anything else.

I extended to her the same courtesy. I pretended not to notice her pensive thoughts about all the 'whys' and 'what ifs', I pretended to ignore the longing she felt and the resentment she projected on to Rosalie, I pretended not to see her starring at me sadly, sometimes even angrily, when she forgets herself.

Everyone was quick to accept my façade. Everyone, that is, except one.

Jasper.

It didn't start until I began returning Tanya's attentions. He reevaluated the entire situation, like any good Major, and surprisingly changed his mind about everything. To him, this means he chose real emotion over security.

How often had I heard him describe my emotions? Resigned, lonely and miserable. Sometimes he would imagine Bella and he would pick apart my reaction. He would think about the gentle, desperate way she embraced Alice when they reunited in Aro's office and I would feel sad but hopeful. He would recall Aro's anger towards Carlisle, his use of the word "abomination" to describe my lost love. Guilt, anger and shame. He would think of her at our wedding, her smiling face and warm brown eyes. Longing. Oh holy God, the longing.

He would tear my world apart with the memory of Bella in her last weeks with us. Her expression revealing betrayal, desperation and sorrow when I gave up on her, how those feelings turned to bitter anger just before she sent shockwaves of electricity through my being. He would remember her vain efforts to control herself in the clearing, her selflessness. One of the only times he could get a read on her as a vampire. Her longing, remorse and hopelessness as Jasper dragged her away to be dismembered and burned. It was my destruction that I felt each time this scene unfolded in his mind.

And as he relentlessly explained my conflicting emotions to me, he would force me to think about why I felt the way I did. He was making it excessively difficult for me to remain stoic.

_You are not happy. Stop pretending that you are._

_Forgiving each other may seem like the most difficult thing right now, but we both know it would be easier than going on without her. If it were Alice…_

_There is a reason why I have my gift. Even without it, I could see it in her face when she reached for Alice, all the same longing and loneliness you feel and her love for Alice has always been eclipsed by her love for you._

Did he not understand? I made my decision, let me keep it. Does he not realize all the time I spent talking myself into going to her, all the time I spent talking myself into staying away, the final week after our confrontation when it all accumulated? The fact that I made a decision at all is nothing short of a miracle.

I was furious.

I missed my wife.

I was betrayed and hurt.

I was lonely.

I wanted everything to end.

I wanted everything to go back the way it was.

I hated myself.

She let me down.

I let her down.

I love her.

Do I file for divorce?

Do I try harder?

Does any of it matter?

Why?

_Why?_

I spent that week traveling the distance between my family and my love, back and forth over and over, safety and pride or uncertainty and…home. There have been so many mistakes and I am ashamed, reluctant even, to admit the truth to myself. I chose the easy route, the path in which I am content and detached. The path that is predictable. Loving her would be impossible and precarious, my pride refuses any attempts. I will love her until the end of time, but I do not know if I could survive being with her now.

The one and only question left, the one I fear above all others, the repercussion of either answer equally devastating – Does she love me?

It is with the knowledge of how I _feel_ about this question that I have decided not be closed off to other…companions.

A slender hand lands softly on my shoulder. I put on my best face and turn to her.

She is beautiful, but all our kind are, easy to talk to, although she never seems to stop, and thoughtful, at least to the extent that suits her. She has convinced herself that she is in love with me and as any gentleman should, I feel honored.

I _want_ to want her.

"Hello, Tanya. I am surprised to see you again so soon." She had come calling a number of times since my family located here.

_Oh Edward, I am so sorry about your wife. _I flinch and she smiles apologetically before her thoughts change. _But I'm so happy your family has decided to settle down in Alaska. We'll have so much fun, I promise, you just let me take care of you._

I had spent a while living in Denali after I left my family, they had come to visit me there on occasion, before I traveled alone. I was aggravated with the way Tanya would hover over me, fussing over my every movement and the way Eleazar would contemplate my love's very existence. The trigger had been when Kate apologized for the way her gift had been used against me, as though it were her fault.

Tanya was as clingy as ever, but her intentions were pure. I try to ignore her insensitivity towards my marriage and her naivety of her misjudged emotions.

"Tanya, would you join me on a short hunting excursion?"

Her face lights up and I shun the feeling of guilt. Of course she agrees and as we leave I hear my annoying brother, the one who refuses to look the other way:

_She doesn't love you, not like Bella._

**BPOV**

"Afton, how does your gift work?"

He is startled and immediately wary. None of them could help feeling this way, like I was a constant threat, no matter how softly I tried to speak, no matter how relaxed I tried to be. I suppose it didn't help him that he didn't see me coming. They had all spent so long on top, the greatest assassins in the world, that it seemed even more distressing to them than anyone else to discover there are worse things out there, namely me.

He clears his throat unnecessarily, his red eyes darting around the empty dark road. I wonder what he was doing, lingering out here alone. But that was his way, always seeking solitude; I felt a certain kinship with this strange man.

"Well…Mistress, I would have thought your superior use of it would entail you to understand it better than I."

I incline my head towards him, urging him on. Using gifts was second nature to me. I could feel it coursing through my body, but they were never _really_ mine. I understood my shield, my own constant.

"I guess, well, when I alter someone's memories, I'm not really deleting anything, I'm just rearranging everything, repressing whatever I want them to forget. But when I use my gift, I'm only able to use it on mortals, I have no idea how you do it, with vampires. Vampire's minds are completely different and infinitely more complex than humans."

I smile at him, enjoying the way he seems to get lost in contemplation, forgetting for a moment his fear, "And how does it normally work with humans?"

"Hm, I think first you should understand the nature of what I do. In a way, I'm the missing link between Edward's gift and – oh, forgive me Mistress, I did not mean to mention him."

I couldn't help the sadness as I recognized fear and panic spring to life within him when he noticed me flinch. Of course he would expect me to react and hurt him. Would anyone ever feel safe around me again? I longed for the days when Edward would struggle to resist laughing at me when I was angry. How had he described me once? A tiger kitten?

There was something very honest about this man, and I felt the need to be open with him.

"Afton, I beg of you not be frightened of me, I really mean you no harm. Please continue." I smiled at him softly, "And call me Bella."

He smiled back tentatively, and I felt like I could maybe be friends with this man. I appraised him now; he had always allowed himself to fade into the background unseen. Strange as he was, so introverted and peaceful, a clear contrast to most of the Volturi, with his soft queer accent and deliberate ways, I knew I had found someone who would make me feel at ease. It reminded me that no one felt at ease in my presence and again I was sad.

I noticed him sizing me up as well, and I couldn't help but tense. Then I noticed the way his eyes swept over me in a thoughtful manner, not at all sexual, as if he was deciding something about me. Whatever it was made him relax and smile in earnest.

"Well, as I was saying, I am the link between…the mind reader and Aro. Aro sees all that has happened, as do I. I do not hear the thoughts to them, and I do not see anything that is happening in the present. I just see snippets of the past and I am able to isolate memories and compartmentalize them. I think, if the person is later confronted with something similar to the memory I have repressed then they will finally remember it. May I ask, when you erased whatever you did from the vampire's memory, what was going on? I do not mean to pry whatever it was you were trying to make her forget, simply, what sights and sounds were occurring when you shifted the memory?"

"Well… I had a piece of harp music I was trying to learn playing in the background, and I think she was looking at my face?"

He nodded as if it was the answer he expected, "Alright, well, if she was looking at you again and hearing the same tune simultaneously, it is probable that she will remember whatever it was you made her forget."

I wasn't sure how to broach my real intent for this conversation, plus I thought maybe it would be reassuring to first build some foundation of trust, so instead of asking what I really wanted to ask, I simply ask him if I could walk with him awhile.

**AftonPOV**

I decided I liked Bella immensely. I had seen her drifting through the halls of Volterra and part of me, somewhere in the pit of my stomach, would squeeze together in dread. However I was clearly not doing her any favours with my misguided first impressions. I could now see how lonely she was, and I knew she meant it when she told me she wished no harm to me. I had spent a long time here, but I was not like the others, I did not revel in bloodlust. I preferred books and the burning pain of hunger and fed as rarely as possible, in fact, I thought I would ask her about the Cullen's preferred diet. Having known the tender memories of humans and understanding the value of time, I regretted every kill. I like the easy silence we walked in and regretted the decades I had spent avoiding her.

**EPOV**

"You're using her!"

A hiss escapes and his thoughts turn smug. Damn him. I have been dating Tanya for about two months now and this argument has been a long time coming.

"Do you feel better Edward? When you put on the happy boyfriend face and dabble in the mundane? Do you like holding her against you when you show her how to swing a bat? Does it feel _right_? You are _not_ this person." His roar of outrage rattles the walls of our house.

"What Jasper? A lighthearted, peaceful person?" I sound petulant, even to my own ears.

"A fake." He bits back, "None of this feels like a fit and you are forcing it."

I didn't even notice Alice enter the room until she speaks, her voice pleading, "Jasper, baby, calm down. Edward can make his own decisions."

"No! Stop fucking encouraging him, my God, if Bella could see the way our family has turned out. Walking around on eggshells, indulging in shallow relationships based purely on lust, acting like the Goddamn Partridge family when nobody around here feels right."

Alice recoils, Jasper has never sworn at her. But that isn't what sets me off. If only he knew what my beloved wife has been up to.

"She fucking cheated on me!" Alice's retort dies on her lips. If she had never heard Jasper swear at her before, she had never heard me swear at all. Ever.

Her mind turns back to her private conversation with _her, _the regret over the way we misjudged her acquisition of powers, the confusion over what she missed, that one dark spot, something feels familiar. Alice knows.

And so, apparently, does Jasper, "Yeah, your wounded pride and your sense of betrayal make that pretty obvious. But you know what? She sure as hell didn't seem happy and satisfied when I saw her, and I could smell him on her then too. Neither of you have fooled anyone, so stop trying to fool yourselves."

I glare at him before we hear a knock outside the study.

Tanya peeks in at us, a concerned expression on her face, "Is everything okay in here?"

It is Alice who answers, "Yes Tanya, everything is fine. You and Edward should get going if you want to get to the movies on time."

I shoot a puzzled look at her, while she seems to agree with Jasper that this does not feel right, there is something holding her back from voicing it. Of course her husband does not feel the same.

_What Bella did doesn't make what you are doing okay. Two wrongs…_

The movie passes uneventfully and when we leave, Tanya's inane chatter about the plausibility of the situation between the characters means nothing to me. I hardly watched it. But her hand, curled trustfully into my own, keeps me there beside her and listening. By the time we come home Alice has convinced Jasper to let it go. In her thoughts I've deduced that she believes it important to my safety to keep me close, but neither of us knows why.

Tanya and I spend the night talking. It never ceases to amaze me the way she can turn small talk into a two hour conversation, but despite that I find I miss the comfortable silence only my wife can afford me. We talk about hunting and the preferable environments for our type, the places we've lived, she tells me about her favourite TV shows and movies, her favourite clubs and casinos, and just as I expect, she brings up the same thing she has brought up everyday for the past month and a half. Sex. My feelings on it are conflicted but she is convinced that it would give our relationship that extra boost to turn it from casual to meaningful.

I patiently tell her, once more, that I'm not ready, I try to reassure her as I always do that I just need time. And as always, she is offended and angry. An errant and disjointed thought flitters through my mind as I rub soothing circles into her tense shoulders, I can't tell if it is her thought, Jasper's or my own –_ doesn't make it right._

**BPOV**

I've been hiding from myself for a long time, rebellious against my cause. I've fallen off my path so many times, burdened and struggling, but I accept my purpose now. I've made a lot of mistakes and rash decisions. Impatience and anger rooted in loneliness have made my will falter and fail, but I am resolved now. No more mistakes.

**EPOV**

I can hear Tanya laughing in the distance as she chases down a large buck. The moon is full and the sky is clear, it is the middle of the night and it almost looks like it could be day with the way the shine from the moon hits the stark white of the snow, illuminating everything in a deep blue light.

I have been dating Tanya for 4 months now and Jasper's protests have settled down to a quiet frustration. I know Rosalie and Alice talked to her about the sex issue and she surprisingly backed off quite a bit. She was never overly aggressive, rather she pushes to talk about feelings and past…issues that she thinks are obstacles in our intimacy.

During the times that she is silent, her mind continues its musings, directing questions at me occasionally, as though expecting me to always be listening. I fight back my annoyance, knowing that for her, if it were reversed, she would be listening. Sometimes she gently questions our relationship, knowing fully well that I can hear her, waiting for me to reassure her. I rarely ever do.

I have tried to explain to her that I do want to move on, and that I want to move on with her, but I am not capable of being fully invested in our relationship right away. I tried to tell her how I want to make this work, but I can only give her so much. I tried to tell her she should move on because as much as I want to, it will be awhile still for me to fall in love with anyone. I am desperate to believe my own lies and Tanya, sweet as ever, has only one reply to all of this – she'll take whatever I am willing to give. She deserves it all.

Lost in my thoughts I don't notice her until she is on top of me, pushing me down on the snow and laughing still. Despite myself I am laughing too as we roll around playfully. There aren't words to describe how exquisite she looks in the light of the full moon. The beauty of the stars above us have nothing on her. She is breathtaking.

It was a night that would have inspired the most chilling symphonies. The air was cool and crisp, the wind was a gentle caress and the snow was as soft as a feather bed beneath us.

I roll to my side to get a better look at her, the silken strands of her hair fanned about her angelic face, eyes sparkling, lips curved into the softest smile.

That night I wanted to make love to Tanya.

Instead, I fucked her.


End file.
